Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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