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Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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