Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
