Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
