OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
