Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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