OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
