everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
