You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize