She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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