im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just pee around me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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