morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
