fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
