try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
