no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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