I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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