I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
