I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
