It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He shit in the fireplace
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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