i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
