What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
