Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
