We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize