did you get engaged???
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
