I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He felt like a one man threesome
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
