Kiss
Puke
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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