she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
