I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Come on in and take your pants off
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