I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
