i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
