Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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