so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
