good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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