so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
