ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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