one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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