There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
