i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
