dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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