i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You are the jesus of drinking
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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