Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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