dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
