Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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