i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
