It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
