It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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