you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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