the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
