Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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