You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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