I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
