Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
