What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
