i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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