Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
