nut hugger
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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