Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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