She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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