Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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