If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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