dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
