Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
