The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
